Riptide Incident at Ft. DeSoto Beach...

I'm a fairly strong swimmer, my primary source of exercise is to swim laps in the city pool, especially during the summer months. I can swim a mile with ease, it takes about 45 minutes. Recently I've developed an allergic reaction to chlorine, so I've had to cut my swim time down to 30 minutes to lessen the afternoon symptoms of sneezing and runny nose. Someone suggested I swim in the ocean.......

Last weekend my husband and I were entertaining his son and wife, Nathan and

Amy, at Ft. DeSoto beach. it was Amy's birthday vacation week. I had my goggles and swim cap and decided to try out the idea of ocean swimming. I chose a point about a mile down the beach and set out to swim to it. I thought that the beach curved up to the point, however, I was wrong. The beach ended and the point was across a deep channel.......

My face was in the water, I was swimming free-style, I had a nice rhythm and everything was swell. I checked my bearings every now and then. I was getting closer and was in fairly shallow water. Suddenly the water seemed very shallow, so I decided to put my feet down to see if I could touch. My foot sunk into the sand up to my knee, I quickly pulled it out and swam further, I tried it again and realized that I was swimming over some kind of sand-bar / quick-sand phenomena and I became frightened.. I checked my bearings again and saw that I was getting closer, almost there, but since I was freaked out about the quick sand deal, I didn't notice that the beach ended and I was swimming into a channel. I swam on... until I started getting knocked around by the waves.......

I still didn't realize I was in trouble yet. I decided that I was getting tired, the waves were so strong I was having trouble with my rhythm and I was swallowing a lot of water. So I gave up and turned around, deciding to head back. I remember having a feeling of failure, I didn't reach my point. I put my face back into the water and began my stroke. I kept thinking that if I wasn't freaked out by the quick-sand and by the crazy waves, I could have made it, I didn't even feel fatigued. The force of the waves increased and I pulled my face out of the water to check my bearings again and that is when i noticed that I was in a riptide that was pulling me away from the beach and through the channel into the bay!!!.......

Ok, so I panicked! I put my face back into the water and swam harder. I looked up again and saw that I was even further away! the realization washed over me that I might drown, I thought of my husband and family on shore and felt embarrassment for having to drown and ruin Amy's birthday. I thought of my parents away on a cruise and grieved for their loss. I thought of my daughter in jail and wondered how she would manage, I'm all she has left... i thought of my friend and son who recently moved here to live close to me and now I would be leaving. I was fatigued and out of breath. I ripped my goggles off, trying to decide what to do, I looked around for a boat to call out to... nothing. I was completely alone!.......

Suddenly a calmness embraced me. I saw a man fishing off the beach and I focused on him... unwilling to take my eyes off the fisherman and risk loosing sight of the shore, I opted for the breast stroke. My mind automatically shifted to my favorite mantra "I am healed, whole and healthy, I've got love surrounding me". I said it with every stroke. I was swept past the fisherman, but I kept on stroking and chanting. I believed that he saw me and knew that I was in trouble. i didn't want to call out to him and risk putting him in danger too, so I was content to believe that he was watching me and it gave me the hope and courage I needed to keep going. The current swept me around the island somewhat, but the fisherman was still in sight! Eventually I reached the shore and knew I was safe.......

I was shaking with the effort of my swim as I began my walk back. Nathan and Amy were standing at our umbrella, looking down the beach for me. A sigh of relief and a wave of the hand and off to the sea they ran... I sat down heavily next to my husband and said "I almost drowned out there".......

That night when I went to bed I remembered the dream of the night before... perhaps it was a premonition (warning) dream, it was a drowning dream. I was in a school bus with my nephews, Christopher & Joseph, and some others. It was storming outside when a giant tidal wave hit us and the bus was washed away with us on board, we were in the middle of a large body of water, rocking harshly against the waves, about to tip over, we were sinking... Suddenly, this feeling washed over me with such force of emotion that it woke me up and left me to contemplate it... It was a sudden realization that we were going to die. It was a mixture of fear and curiosity. I wasn't afraid of my own death, it was just that I couldn't stand the thought of having to experience my nephews drowning... it was shock and grief.......

Britni update...

My heart is heavy as I write this, it has been a rough morning, week, month...

About 2 weeks after Britni moved out, she was arrested for possession of a controlled substance. GHB. Yes, that is the "date rape" drug... Apparently one can take a very small amount and feel tipsy, however, it is a chemical cocktail that contains among other things, floor stripper, it is considered one of the new "designer drugs", you never know what exactly is in it or how strong it is, every batch is different. One of the dangers is that if you accidentally take too much you will pass out, sometimes for hours. It is a substance that isn't screened for in drug tests, which makes it popular in the "drug free" workplace. It seems to be popular with the young professional urban crowd and the gay community.

She knows a group of people who sell the drug. They were always offering it to her. She resisted many times until the one day that she said "yes". Anyway she became addicted to it in a very short time. No one knew... She had just picked up a new batch that morning. It was stronger than she expected. She was on her way to work when she stopped at a convenience store. Before leaving (actually before pulling out into traffic) she decided to "take a cap" as they call it. The dose is usually a half to a whole chap stick lid full. She was found passed out in her car, slumped over the steering wheel by an off duty police officer. The car was running, in gear, and her foot was on the brake. I showed up on the scene. You can not imagine the anguish of a mother watching her beautiful (almost successful) daughter crying hysterically in the back seat of a police car, mouthing the words "I love you mom" through the back window. She went to jail and the car was impounded. I had to move her out of her house and store her clothes and personal things in plastic containers. We had to pay big bucks to get the car back. This was BIG trouble because it was a violation of probation. We hired a lawyer. She was looking at prison time. Our intention was to try to get her into drug rehab instead. Unfortunately the state prosecutor had other ideas. They decided that she needed to be punished rather than rehabilitated. Adult time-out, so to speak. She had two charges, possession and violation of probation. She received 1 year in county jail for each charge, the judge had compassion and is allowing her to do them concurrently. She will be in jail for a year basically. However, she will get credit for time already served. Plus she is a "Trustee" meaning that she works and she gets"time off" credit for every day worked. She will also get time credit for completing the "in-house" drug rehab program. Her attorney thinks she will actually serve about 8-9 months. This morning in court was intense. My parents, her dad and her friend Aaron showed up. We were allowed to stand with her before the judge. The judge was angry, he was yelling at her, threatening 15 years in prison. She was crying the entire time, I was crying, my mom was crying. I felt like I was going to throw up. When it was over, all I could do was come home and go back to bed for the day. I'm not looking forward to a year of visiting Britni in county jail, where they treat the visitors like criminals, and put us in a room of echo's where we have to yell through a thick piece of plexi-glass to communicate with her...

Mission Call for Jordan!

Jordan has been called to the West Indies (not sure which Island yet). He will be leaving August 26th for his missionary training in Provo, UT where he will learn to speak French! So far we have a Portuguese speaking returned missionary, Jason... a Tagalog speaking returned missionary, Aaron... and an Italian speaking returned missionary, Nathan. It is one of George's fantasies to travel to the places his son's served their missions where he will have his own private interpreter, he can go to Brazil, Philippines, Italy and now the West Indies!!! We are excited for Jordan and the adventure of Spirit unfolding before him these next 2 years...

Britni Jade moves out!

The nest is empty once again... of adult children anyway! Britni was busy packing boxes and moving out of our house and into her new place tonight. I wonder how long we'll have our guest bedroom back? Hopefully through the summer when Nathan & Amy come to visit! I'm so happy for Britni, she is doing so well. She sets goals for herself and is working toward accomplishing them with great success. She looks fantastic. She is healthy. She is happy. She has a drivers license, a car, a part-time job, and has enrolled in Cosmetology school. She is renting a room in a house with some friends close to where she works and hangs out. She has been clean and sober for over a year. She loves the way she fees. On her days off she is dancing the night away to techno house rhythms in one of her favorite night clubs. She says that music is her drug of choice. She is usually cast in a "designated driver" role. Britni is 24 years of age. We couldn't be happier for her (and us!). I want to thank my wonderful husband for his support and patience during the troubled years. You are generous with your love and everything else! We love you...

Missing Baby

Baby Groff 10/31/08 - 3/28/09 Who would have expected that her passing would leave such an empty space in our home. I mean, she was one of 5 kittens that we adopted this year. Baby was the smallest kitten of the litter. She adopted me as her surrogate mother. She allowed me to carry her around in the sling. At night we shared a pillow or she would curl up on my chest or flatten herself against my back, she was a cuddler. She was also the "lizard huntress". It had to be her because since her death I haven't seen any lizards in the house. She would catch lizards throughout the day and share them with the litter. The other kittens don't know what to think. I don't think they know how to catch lizards. One of them caught a leaf that was blowing around the yard the other day. He brought it in, the others followed in excited pursuit. He dropped the leaf, a few paws batted it around, nothing exciting happened, they all lost interest and one by one went back outside. Baby loved the pugs. She liked to curl up with them during the day and she would rub her body on them, curling her tail around their face like a frame, sharing her love with them. She was the only one who did this, until yesterday.... I noticed Rumi has started doing it, how amazing is that? I wonder why he all of a sudden felt the need to share love with the pugs. Maybe they are putting out some kind of signal? hmmmmmmmmm

2009 So far...

George has been on the road for the majority of this year traveling from city to city chasing the work. I'm not unappreciative, don't get me wrong, we are happy to be able to pay our bills, it's just that we are missing our life together. He sits in a hotel room night after night or a borrowed office in a company that is in financial trouble dealing with desperate people day after day. On the occasion that he does decide to fly home, his weekend is split between spending time with me and his church family. So this is our journey at this time... This experience has shown us great appreciation for our time together whether it is in our home with our beloved fur-family, in a hotel room somewhere, or in the homes of our scattered family as we try to keep up with the celebration of life and death. We have been blessed with two new granddaughters this year and we said good-bye to George's father who was killed in a most unfortunate accident. We spent a couple weekends in Lancaster, PA dealing with his father's funeral and helping his mother get things sorted out. We were scheduled to spend the weekend together in Reno, NV for Audry's "blessing", however, one of our kittens, Baby, was attacked by the neighbor's dog and died after 5 days of intense care by me, so I was not able to make it out. But "Grandpa Groff" had a wonderful bonding experience with our grandson, Camden. We are scheduled to spend Easter weekend in Salt Lake City UT for Sophie's blessing ceremony. I'm working as much as I want to these days. I have my regular clients but I spend most of my time doing things that I enjoy like spending time with my animals, taking care of my home, organizing drumming events, reading, meditating, keeping up with my family and friends on Facebook and in person. I'm as happy as I can ever remember being, I just miss my partner... Britni is clean and sober for almost a year now! She recently got her driving privileges back. She is working part-time and has registered for school at the Paul Mitchell School of Cosmetology. She met and is dating a lawyer, Aaron, who is into music (like her). The amazing thing is this... we recently found out that his mother and I are friends! She is also a massage therapist (we have even worked on one another) and she is a drummer who frequents my drum circles! How bizarre... Tanner & Kendra are still in Indiana. Tanner is working as a jailer and Kendra is working for her dad. Both are in school part-time. Kendra was recently accepted at University of Tampa so they will be moving back to Tampa this summer. Tanner will continue his education to become a police officer part-time while working full-time to support them. The wheel of life continues to spin, some jump on, some jump off and the rest of us scramble to keep up with the changes and keep our faces pointed toward the light of love and hope...